I immediately ask you not to throw slippers at me and not to write “it’s my own fault.” She's probably guilty if this happened. But I don’t know what to do now.
Teenage son, 15 years old. I raised him all my life alone; my grandmother (my mother) helped him before school. I didn’t blow my mind, on the contrary, I was quite demanding; my parenting style was closer to authoritarian. But our relationship was always friendly (not familiar): we went on vacation together, on excursions, and played sports. My son grew up without problems: he didn’t bully, was sociable, strived for knowledge, and shared his interests with me.
And then adolescence came (((My son began to be rude, snap back, skip school. When I tried to separate him from the computer, he could push me away. I already felt this alarm bell, we went to a psychologist. And 2 days ago my son again raised his hand against me And he didn’t just push him away, trying to protect his computer, but hit him hard on his sore leg (he knew it was sore) with such anger, and I didn’t even touch him(((I was in shock...and I still am. .. I don’t know how to continue to live!!! It’s as if everything broke inside me, the light that constantly motivated me for my development and the development of my son went out. I feel like I can’t love him as much as before, even see him I can’t. I don’t understand how I could raise such a man who could hit a woman, especially his mother!!! For what? I put all my soul and time into him! Thoughts even arise about an orphanage, maybe there he will find another mother, who will love, and not hate, like me? We don’t have temporary boarding schools, only if you refuse completely. All thoughts in a heap...
I’m writing... I don’t know why... my heart is very heavy... Maybe at least someone will tell me a way out...
All will pass
Would you be able to come to terms with such a choice for your children, to come to terms with the fact that your dreams of grandchildren, of some kind of career that you haven’t found yourself in the world are going to hell. You would hope that while you’re still in the novices, you’ll change your mind and come back. It’s a chatty topic. . 
Anonymous
I am the mother of a monster girl: the monster is thirteen years old, he is not scary, not evil, he is very rational and purposeful: he will study at Baumansky, he will never get married, he is not interested in gentlemen, children are “a horror that should be avoided from the word “categorically” "
This, in fact, was the monster’s program now. Declaration. Declaration. bullshit you say? No matter how it is! Down and Out trouble started! A C in algebra was corrected to a solid A. We purchased glasses without diopters - “I don’t need chocolate, I don’t see chocolate.” The entire wardrobe is checkered and black all over. All! The process has begun...
Are we losing her?
Tell me, do I, as a mother, have hope?
Tarenta
Good evening! My ex-husband and I have been in a relationship since 2012. There have already been a lot of things, both good and bad, I’ll say right away that he has a difficult character, but I have always loved him. After 6 years of dating, I finally got pregnant, and with twins! But when our daughters were already 8 months old, he left us, and after a month of his absence, I filed for divorce. And after another half a year, I completed the renovations in the apartment (not without the help of my parents, of course, we lived with them throughout the renovation). So, in May of this year, when we returned, he began to visit us. Then I found out that he had already been in a relationship (he was 31 and his pig-faced girl was 18 years old, and even flirted with 15-year-olds). Of course, I was shocked, but for the sake of my daughters I stopped holding a grudge against him, and I myself soon forgave him.. In the end, he “seems to be” with us, but at the same time “he’s not.” All the talk about bringing him home causes him to have verbal diarrhea and a bunch of ways to quarrel. He just stupidly comes to visit us 2-3 times a week and also lives separately from us. He always gives something to children, never goes empty-handed. But he’s not doing anything serious to return to his family! I'm already tired.. Help me with advice on what to do in general? The children love him, I have already forgiven him, I love him... Do you think there is a chance to restore the family?...
103Anonymous
I won’t delay, I’ll say it right away. I don’t like the way singer Alexander Malinin and his family are as a person, of course especially his wife Emma. Under the guise of "grooming, femininity, intelligence" - a predatory, smug, domineering and arrogant woman. If anyone is not in the know, bring up the story with Malininin’s illegitimate daughter from O. Zarubina and Emma’s reaction to this and everything will fall into place. Question: why and why we, people are simple ordinary people allow and support such characters, “admire” their exclusivity in the comments, feed and support them in the opinion that they are worth something, they are just clowns for the entertainment of the public and live at our expense, and they despise us. It’s really impossible to turn on the TV, open the Internet, these “artists” are everywhere.
100According to Italian law, parental leave is designed for a short period of time, so the issue of kindergartens and nurseries comes first. Olga Merolla, who moved from Samara to Perugia three years ago, will tell us how Italian mothers get out of this situation.
According to Italian law, parental leave is only 5 months. You are allowed to leave work on maternity leave 2 months before the expected date of birth and care for a newborn for three months, thus maintaining 90-100% of your salary. It is also possible to extend the vacation, but the payment amount will be reduced by up to 30%! It is in this regard that most Italian parents prefer to find suitable preschool institutions with nurseries and return to the office.
There are two main types of kindergartens. For the little ones, where children aged from 3-4 months to 3 years are accepted. The nursery is open on weekdays, that is, Saturday and Sunday, like most other establishments, are days off, and in July and August the nursery is closed for holidays. The day in the nursery lasts until 16.30, but if for some reason the parents cannot pick up their child so early, then for a fee the kindergarten teachers will look after the baby until his parents arrive.
According to statistics, today the situation with nurseries in the country is quite deplorable. Italy is in last place compared to other European countries. This critical situation is explained by the existing tradition of raising a baby independently at home, and not giving him from the cradle to nannies or teachers in a nursery. Although many modern mothers, despite traditions, would agree to a freer routine of life by sending their child to a nursery.
As for the central regions of the country, such as Umbria and Tuscany, the “best” indicator is observed there; the figures are as follows: per 100 preschool children, there are 33 free places in kindergartens. It is interesting that in the northern regions of the country a larger number of children attend nurseries, approximately 29%, while in the southern part, in Sicily and Campania, only 2.5% of children attend preschool institutions.
Such a noticeable difference in indicators is determined by the fact that in the south of Italy family traditions are observed much more seriously than in other regions, and the catastrophic lack of free places in existing kindergartens also makes itself felt. The unemployment rate in the southern regions of the country is also off the charts, so a large number of mothers are simply forced to sit at home and raise their children. If we take the indicators throughout the country, about 25% of Italian children simply cannot get into kindergartens. And, for example, in Sicily this figure is 42%, followed by Tuscany with a figure of 33%.
The current situation forced Italy in 2009 to turn to Northern Europe for experience, after which Italy began to practice “family kindergartens.” The essence of this type of kindergarten is this: a group of children of 3-7 people is under the supervision of a private teacher at home during the daytime, as a rule, together with her own child. Naturally, such “kindergartens” cost a considerable amount of money, but for most working mothers in Italy this is the only way out. This solution, in addition to everything else, can solve the problem of unemployment in the country, every mother has the opportunity to earn money , sitting at home, playing and studying with other people's children.
But, of course, organizing such a “garden” at home is not so easy; for this, a woman must be a mother herself or have a pedagogical education, or have experience working in a regular kindergarten. Before the “garden” starts operating, the premises where children’s leisure activities are planned are carefully thought out. It must be spacious, comfortable and, above all, safe. The average payment for this type of service is: half a day - 200 euros, for a whole day - 400 euros per month. But, unfortunately, there are very few such “private gardens” in Italy.
As for a public nursery or kindergarten, the average cost is approximately 300 euros. But the cost of preschool services in other regions of Italy may be a different amount. So, for example, the price for a month of kindergarten in Rome is 146 euros, in Milan - 230, Venice - 316 and others.
The next step is the “mother’s school”, where children from 3 to 6 years old go. This “school” can be either private or public, but both types are paid for by parents. According to the age of the child, they are assigned to a group of approximately 15 to 30 children. In terms of the number of such gardens in the country, Italy occupies a leading position in Europe. About 98% of Italian children attend preschool.
Three meals a day have been introduced in kindergartens - breakfast, afternoon snack and lunch. Parents pay for meals separately from the general kindergarten fee. One meal can be approximately 4-5 euros. As a rule, gardens do not have their own canteen for preparing food; it is delivered to them from a single large canteen, which cooks for several gardens. The gardens offer a bio-diet, that is, dishes are prepared from vegetables without additives or harmful fertilizers. The basis of the menu is a large amount of fruit, soups, mashed potatoes, rice, as well as light vegetable salads every day. Naturally, Italians do not change traditional pasta; children prepare various pasta dishes, for example with vegetables.
Most kindergartens offer parents the service of transporting their children from home to kindergarten on buses owned by the preschool institution. This service saves parents a lot of time in the morning, but in the evening, parents still pick up their children on their own. The bus service fee is 25-35 euros per month.
Here is an officially confirmed list of what is taught in every preschool in Italy:
- physical activity;
- Me and others (basics of living together in society, morality);
- Expanding the child’s vocabulary, rhetoric;
- foreign languages, self-expression, creativity;
- getting to know the outside world.
In some kindergartens, in addition to everything, they include cooking lessons, activities in the pool, they organize theatrical performances with the participation of both children and professional actors, in general, Italian children do everything that our Russian kids do in kindergartens. Some kindergartens offer the following classes: appliqué, modeling, choreography, music, drawing, mathematics, speech development, gymnastics, psychomotor skills; older children are offered English language learning and computer classes.
Often, private kindergartens in Italian cities are organized by nuns. Italy can be classified as a very religious country, so Italian families prefer that their children be cared for by church ministers. Naturally, no one in such institutions forces children to spend whole days in prayer, or puts religious pressure on them, but the standard course of study includes prayers before meals and the singing of psalms. Classes are conducted with an obvious focus on the history of Catholicism, and holidays are also held with a religious twist.
In Italy, it is customary that on the first day of a baby’s stay in kindergarten, the mother spends the entire day with him, from morning until evening. This involvement of the child in the established routine of the garden is called “inseremento” and corresponds to a strict schedule. For example, on the first day the mother is always next to the baby, on the second day there are 15-minute breaks in their communication, on the third day there is a 30-minute pause, and so on. “Inserimento” lasts about a week on average, but in some kindergartens this process may be organized differently and take a longer or shorter period of time.
Price for kindergarten for children aged 3 to 6 years is calculated taking into account the total family income. According to Italian law, there are certain categories of families that are entitled to payment benefits. For example, such benefits can be received by families where both parents are unemployed or only one family member works, as well as large families.
The monthly fee for such families is approximately 50-160 euros, depending on the annual income of the family and the region where it lives. The average amount paid by families per year is about 970 euros, but it should be borne in mind that these figures are averaged, that is, in one kindergarten group you can find a child whose parents pay 45 euros, as well as one for whom they pay 150 euros per month . The difference is due to the fact that not all families can receive benefits; wealthy families pay for kindergarten in accordance with general tariffs.
Prices in private kindergartens are higher than state ones, but not by much. Most families in Italy prefer to send their children to private kindergartens, where the number of children in the group is much smaller and there are more developmental activities than in budget kindergartens. The price for visiting a private kindergarten varies from 1000 to 1500 euros per year.
As a result, we can safely say that the system of preschool children's institutions in Italian cities is well developed, parents are given a huge choice in this area. Parents can register their children in a state, private, religious, creative kindergarten, and train it English language or playing on some musical instrument, leave the baby in the garden until lunch or until the evening.
We are accustomed to the way our education process is organized, we are accustomed to our kindergartens, but there is always room for change. To do this, you need to look at your neighbors and see how everything works for others. Today we decided to look at how kindergartens are organized in Italy and find out what we can learn from them.
Editorial "So simple!" delved into this issue and will tell you how the process of preschool education of children takes place in Italy. We tell you everything honestly, without embellishing anything. There are both good and bad there too.
Italian mothers have a completely different approach to raising a child. The official decree in the country lasts only 5 months; if desired, it can be extended for another six months. Most mothers go back to work six months after the birth of their child and, it is worth noting, they do not at all think that this is bad.
Children can be sent to nurseries as early as three months. Italian mothers are sure that the child needs this, because babies also need socialization. It is believed that it is in kindergarten that a child will be able to communicate more with other children and quickly acquire the skills needed for life. It is impossible to say for sure whether this is correct or not, but with the Italians it is so.
Frankly speaking, it’s quite difficult for mothers there. The maternity leave is very short, and the nursery is only open until four o’clock, and then you have to somehow get out. Some work only the first half of the day, while others hire nannies or ask grandparents for help. In general, a lot depends on the older generation in Italy, because these are the people who most often sit with their children, take them to additional classes and in hobby groups.
Preschool education in Italy is optional, but almost all children go to kindergartens. Parents have a choice: private, municipal or Catholic kindergartens. They differ in many ways. Private ones are not suitable for many due to the high cost (400–500 euros). In municipalities, the pay is a little less and you can get benefits, but the queues there are crazy and the requirements are quite strict.
The easiest way to get into Catholic kindergartens. It does not take into account the income and employment of parents, and preference is given to those who live nearby. The conditions there are better than in municipal institutions, and the pay is much lower than in private ones. This a good option, if parents are not embarrassed by the fact that in addition to teachers, nuns work with children.
We will talk specifically about Catholic kindergartens. Let's figure out what the features are.
Features of kindergartens in Italy
Walking is optional
There is always a large garden or park next to such kindergartens, but children are taken out for a walk quite rarely. From October to March, teachers do not take children outside at all, but parents do not mind. It is generally not customary for Italians to walk with children every day; they do not consider it a necessity. Personally, I think that this is still a minus, because children need to see nature, breathe air, and not sit within four walls. 
Small groups and friendly attitude
According to the law, groups in kindergarten should not contain more than 29 children. For this number there are two teachers. Most often, the number of children does not exceed 18, which is very good. Children under three years of age are also allowed to come in diapers; the child is not required to be potty trained. This is treated normally here. And children are not forced to change their shoes. It is believed that this is for fire safety purposes. So no “change”.
Menu
Usually children in kindergarten only have lunch, because they have breakfast at home and bring an afternoon snack with them. Main dishes on the menu: pasta, rice, beans and pizza. Fish and meat are cooked a couple of times a week. The food is quite varied and very tasty. They do not prepare only dairy dishes and soups in kindergartens, because they are not considered mandatory for the children’s diet. And parents do not need to worry about organizing the child’s birthday; the kindergarten organizes everything itself.
Creativity is encouraged
In kindergarten, the child will not be overloaded, but he will always be busy. The curriculum consists of simple goals for the month: distinguish colors, learn parts of the human body, learn to put on your own shoes. Children dance a lot, play, run around in the gym, and also do various crafts. The creative process is encouraged, but the child does everything himself; parents are not involved in this process. And there are no competitions for the best crafts. In older groups, English, music and dance lessons are added.
Mandatory vaccinations
You won't be able to get into kindergarten without vaccinations. There are only ten mandatory vaccinations: against polio, diphtheria, tetanus, hepatitis B, whooping cough, Haemophilus influenzae, measles, rubella, mumps and chickenpox. It seems to me that this is the main advantage of the Italian system. 
Parental committee
Once a year, two representatives are elected from each group to the parent committee. They organize holidays and trips. And no one is raising any money for new floors or repairs; they just hold charity fairs a couple of times a year, the proceeds from which go to the needs of the kindergarten. It’s also not customary to give teachers expensive gifts, except perhaps symbolic little things. 
Agree, there are very important differences. There are pros and cons, but we have a lot to learn. Sometimes even the little things can be important.
Italians are not fans of soups in general. In kindergartens, the first dish during lunch is most often pasta, risotto or pizza. For the second - fish, meat and vegetables. Meat and baked fish are not served very often (a couple of times a week), but white fish, turkey, chicken or beef are really healthy for children’s bodies. The menu is usually posted separately so that parents know the diet of their children. It is repeated every 4 weeks.
No winter walks
Italian winters are quite warm and above-zero temperatures are the norm between November and March. But even this doesn’t really make parents think about a playground. This is how you can distinguish those born in the CIS from Italians - “ours” will not be scared off even by the -15 mark on the thermometer!
Near kindergartens in Italy you don’t often find areas specially designated for walking, so there’s nowhere to go for a walk.
Quiet hour is not for us
Low mats, or at most a cot, await children in Italian kindergartens for daytime rest. By the way, there may not be one at all, since sometimes there are no folding beds with mattresses, and there is also no separate room for sleeping. Parents bring their own pillows and blankets for children.
About replacement shoes
None of the children change their shoes when they come to kindergarten. Everyone wears street shoes, and even sleeps in them. This may seem unreasonable, but the reason for this rule is important - it is believed that in the event of an earthquake or fire, children will be able to leave the room as quickly as possible without spending extra time on putting on their shoes. Children's clothing should be comfortable, with Velcro, without fasteners or laces. The only thing is that girls are not allowed to come in dresses and skirts.
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No crafts - just a restful sleep
The task of creating a children's craft for a holiday often becomes a task for adults. Often, after a hard day at work, instead of a long-awaited rest, mom (or dad) gets a portion of new worries. In Italian kindergartens, children are engaged in creativity exclusively during their stay there.
You can notice that in Italy (and in many other European countries) parents are not too worried about ice cream instead of soup, about diapers up to three years instead of a potty, about hiring a nanny from the age of six months. Perhaps you shouldn’t complicate your life too much and overprotect your child. The main thing is to love the child, and sometimes eating ice cream for breakfast never hurt anyone. Do you agree with the opinion of Italian mothers?
Material prepared by Yulia Zhitnikova
More and more of our clients are moving with small children. And questions immediately arise: Is this possible? What should I do? Where can you place a 2-year-old baby? How do kindergartens (nurseries) work in Italy? Let's try to answer these questions.
First of all, I would like to note that Small child– this is absolutely no obstacle to moving to a new country, and especially to enrolling in a university. Remember that in Italian universities, as a rule, there is no compulsory attendance and the student plans his own time. And the second important point is that small children automatically fit into the mother’s document.
So, preschool structures in Italy can be divided into two large groups: nurseries and kindergartens. Let's take a closer look at each of the groups.
NURSES OR ASILO NIDO.
For children from 3 months to 3 years old there are public and private nurseries.
To enroll your child in government structure, you must submit a request that will be included in the list. It is advisable to submit a request as early as possible, since the first person to apply will receive a place first. When the submission of the request ends, usually in the month of May, all applications are processed, places are allocated and confirmation is sent to your home that you have been assigned a place and date for the parent meeting. It is possible to submit a request to several institutions at once (no more than 3), which guarantees that, if there is space, you will get into one of them.
Places on the list are allocated based on the socio-economic situation of the family: in accordance with this, a contribution for payment will be determined (on average from 50 euros to 400.00 euros, depending on the income of the parents). For children over one year old there is an additional service - from 16.30 to 17.30 a teacher sits with them, this service costs approximately 100 euros per year.
As for private nurseries, everything is much simpler here. The main thing is to pay monthly, and your child is guaranteed a place in the nursery. Of course, the cost of private nurseries is much more expensive (400-1000 euros per month depending on the region).
In the nursery, children begin to learn how to draw in different techniques and make appliqués. Nurseries in Italy are equipped in the best possible way: lots of toys and books, gyms with soft cubes, ball pits and slides, on the playground there are strollers for babies and cars with bicycles for older babies.
The nursery is open from September to June each year; in July there is a summer center for parents who work. The nursery is open 5 days a week, excluding general holidays, from 7.30 to 16.30. At the end of the day, parents are given a sheet that notes what the child ate, how many times he went to the toilet, how he slept, and what he did.
KINDERGARTEN OR SCUOLA DELL'INFANZIA.
Kindergarten in Italy lasts three years and is intended for children from 3 to 5 years old. It is not necessary to attend kindergarten, that is, parents themselves choose whether they want to send their child to kindergarten or not.
In order to enroll a child in a public kindergarten, you must go to the School Services Department (Dipartimento dei Servizi Scolastici) at the municipality. The cost depends on the financial situation of each individual family. The price for a kindergarten, as well as for a nursery, is calculated taking into account the total income of the family.
A kindergarten, like a nursery, can be either private or public. According to the age of the child, they are assigned to a group of approximately 15 to 30 children. In terms of the number of such gardens in the country, Italy occupies a leading position in Europe. About 98% of Italian children attend preschool. It is assumed that when admitted to kindergarten, a child must be potty trained and be able to take minimal care of himself: wash his hands, dry them with a towel, take off his shoes, put on a jacket.
The kindergarten's operating hours are as follows: kindergarten opens at 8 am. Lunch - at 11.30, sleep from 13.30-14.00 and until 15.00. And at 16.00-16.15 the kindergarten closes
Kindergartens at church parishes are very popular. In such institutions the director may be a nun. The focus, of course, is also appropriate: at holidays, children sing songs about Jesus, and each school year begins not with a solemn assembly with the raising of the Italian flag, but with a service in church.
After the release of the above, many questions came to our inbox. After all, today more and more people are moving to Europe with children, and therefore this argument is becoming popular.
Hello, they write about “inserimento” on various sites, but I didn’t find anything like that in your article. What is this?
Inserimento is the gradual introduction of a child to kindergarten (nursery). In Italy, it is customary that on the first day of a baby’s stay in kindergarten (nursery), the mother spends the entire day with him, from morning until evening. This involvement of the child in the established routine of the garden corresponds to a strict schedule. For example, on the first day, the mother is always next to the baby, on the second day, 15-minute breaks are organized in their communication, the third day is spent with a pause of 30 minutes, and so on. Or, depending on the institution, the mother comes with the child on the first day for an hour and stays with the child all the time. On the second day, the time increases and the child stays for lunch. On the third day, the mother is asked to simply observe from afar, and not to go to the door before she is called, even if she hears the baby crying. On the fourth day, the mother is removed for 30 minutes, and on the fifth day, the mother may no longer stay.
What do children do in kindergartens? Are there any lessons or activities?
Here is an officially confirmed list of what is taught in every preschool in Italy:
- physical activity;
— Me and others (basics of living together in society, morality);
— Expanding the child’s vocabulary, rhetoric;
— foreign languages, self-expression, creativity;
- getting to know the outside world.
Some gardens also include cooking lessons, swimming pool classes, and theater performances. Of course, a lot depends on the type of structure, private or public.
I know that schools have special buses that transport children. Is there such a service for kindergartens?
Yes, in some kindergartens you can use the school bus service for a separate and very small fee. The fee ranges from 25 to 50 euros per month.
I heard that some mothers themselves organize small kindergartens at home. This is true? how to do it?
Most likely we are talking about a family kindergarten (nursery). The essence of this type of kindergarten is this: a group of children of 3-7 people is under the supervision of a private teacher in her home during the daytime, usually together with her own child. Of course, the home must be equipped in accordance with all safety and sanitation standards. The teacher must be a mother herself or have a pedagogical education, or have experience working in a regular kindergarten. Their prices are approximately the same as in private ones.
